Spirit Channeling

Ever feel like reality isn't what it should be? That it could be something else you've always wanted?

I think that's why I chose to be an artist...

To make my own reality when the one I live in doesn't quite click the way I hoped it would.

Not escape, just... get lost in.

I've a disgusting fascination with the cerebral end of things... and sometimes I wish I weren't so enthralled by it. Other times I can enjoy things exactly as they are, what they are, what they're meant to be and nothing else to get distracted by.

Those moments are rare. And when I mean rare, I mean in the public eye of peers and others.

I often think about my conflicting desire to go to a convention one day... I'm rather deathly afraid of crowds, not so much the people, just the overwhelming numbers of people I'll never truly know, ever REALLY meet and probably don't want to mind listening to. I tend to keep to myself unless otherwise needed and most times I'll be found with a pair of headphones plugged to my ears because I tend to reject just about everything else... not out of spite, more like courtesy.

As a kid, and when I was much younger than I am now, I was told to "Mind your own business," alot. So much that instead of brooding on the effect, I redirected it by indulging and superimposing my already developed enthusiasm with music.

While I enjoy the company of others. It's the solitude with friends, sometimes family, but ultimately myself when everything else in the world just doesn't quite give in the way I'd like.

As if I truly deserve anything... but I do try hard to please others, so much that I tend to forget how to give myself some time alone, and coincidentally, when I do, I'm often interpreted as some sort of hermit, a troll or even someone who just hates company...

They couldn't be farther away from the fact.

I love my wife, I love my family, and the family I hope to raise one day... but... well... sometimes I just find myself exactly where I need to be, even it's at the expense of displeasing others. That's the cost of solitude I guess...

-LDR- (Clearing the mind and dusting off the concepts)

I can't remember how far back it's been now since I've looked at a few of my concepts for another set of graphic novels... or just ideas in general that never quite ripened to fruition. Procrastination, fear, lack of ambition... I dunno what it is anymore but everytime I looked back at what I started on, I'm almost emboldened to pick it right back up from where I last left it... and then leave it alone all together again.

I really hate when I do this to. I do it ALL the time and I've no idea why. Lack of stimuli from outside sources; that kind of thing to feed into the energy, the excitement, the attention... ... sometimes I think I should shed those layers away though because they really get me nowhere.

Mostly in trouble, sometimes.

But other times?

Mostly nowhere it seems...

Where will I be going with these things? How far will they go? Will they ever make it farther than simple concepts, sketches, spontaneous illustrations and ideas?

Who knows...

I wish I did.

Shadows of Procrastination

Or maybe it's indecisiveness... it's hard to tell these days but more and more I've found myself taking comfort in the explosive nature of creativity when it comes to sketching out scenes in their rawest, earliest forms of conception.

It's something about them.

The energy.

The spontaneous nature of where they just derive out of nothing hoping to be completed.

This is a double edged sword however... for all the potential I put into these scraps/work in progresses/roughdrafts/sketches, whatever you want to call them, they have a tendency to just sit around and potentially NEVER get done... and I hate when that happens.

But it happens ALOT.

Maybe it's fear... fear that all that I hope and see in it won't come to true light when I get nearer to finishing it. Or perhaps I love the process of building and creating so much that 'finishing' is a transgression rather than the intended transcendence I hoped for.

I wonder on these things alot.

I also like to call them Shadows of Procrastination; where nothing gets done but a whole lot gets piles up.

One Must Fall 2097

Was a looong time ago.

This was back in the days when Shareware were all the rage and Intel 80386/80486 (colloquially known as 386/486's) were, from what I remember, the most practical computers aside from Apple Macs prevalent to home introduction and use. It's what I grew up with anyway, 386/486's. With that said, it was also the point where gaming as a whole made such an impact on me, that it jump started my imagination and cemented me, rooting me to the point that I wanted to exceed my imagination.

I played the lot of early computer games many people can expect from archaic titles: Wolfenstein 3D, Doom, Duke Nukem 3D, Heretic, Hexen, Rise of the Triads to name a few... quite a bit of First Person Shooter titles to be named but there was one, and probably the ONLY fighting game that ever made any success out on being a PC title (and sadly, to most these days, the greatest PC fighting game no one has ever heard or ever played)

ONE MUST FALL 2097

This game was the hallmark of all great things I remember growing up. I was probably 9, maybe 10 at the time, this game came out and it was, and to me, still is, the most greatest thing that has ever happened to me as far as life experiences go. Anyone who plays it now might not see that much about it, why it's so great or why it is so profound. But that's the thing.

You had to be there.

And for anyone who was, you know. It's just that simple.

For years the game haunted me with its amazing intro music, and even before that, the opening sequence of thunder and lightning as it brought forth the One Must Fall 2097 title, and then finally, the title screen:

As a kid, this title screen mesmerized me and even growing up, I was still awestruck by it-- truly transcended by its sheer potency of nostalgia, pride and joy I partook in this game, in every facet of its creation.

What got me though was that the fanbase for this game is practically nonexistent. It exists, but its so far underground I wouldn't even go as far as to say it has a cult following. It's more like a group of people who remember the game and even fewer who TRULY embargoed their passion into it as much as I do.

So much in fact, that when I tried to search for, say, a redux/revamp/high resolution mock up of the One Must Fall 2097 title screen... I was actually surprised that NO such thing existed except for the archaic, old 16 bit looking title screen in, what is it? I think 320 x 480 resolution? This saddened me but then I thought, "Wait... I'm an illustrator! If no one's done it yet! Why can't I?!"

And so in taking the core elements of the original One Must Fall 2097 title screen, I brought a rebirth to an old friend of my youth and gave it a makeover:

First with the lineart / Black & White:

And then the ultimate justice; the fully compiled color scheme. With all the elements and fundamentally mind blowing aspects I remember this franchise delivering to me.

I did this piece more than just for myself, mind you.

I did this piece for every One Must Fall 2097 fan out there who I hope finds this and remembers.

REALLY remembers.

Because some of us never forgot, and never will. It was 1994 when it happened, and I've been in love ever since.

Dusting off Polished Works

I tend to forget how much work I've actually done in the past till I look around in my harddrives and find loads of unfinished work and equally as much, finished bodies of work.

Behind my desk here I've this mountain of sketches I should utilize. Typically when I sketch they become works in progress; I rarely ever just doodle around in a sketchbook or anything like that. It's VERY rare. In fact, I take the process of sculpture to mind when it comes to artwork. I treat paper (or did, as for a few months now I've been using a WACOM Cintiq21UX LCD Tablet) as a medium of clay, a body of it which I mold and shape in my hands and ultimately it's that one piece I'll use up and constantly tweak around with it until it's prepped into the desired product.

Even my process is very similar to sculpting. There's alot of adding, removing, shaping out, sizing up-- you'd really have to watch my process to understand (which can be seen periodically @ http://www.livestream.com/aardcoresdojo or http://www.justin.tv/aardcore) but anyone who hasn't taken sculpture should do so. There's a wealth of skills to be learned from the process even if illustrating itself is a two-dimensional medium.

I found it extremely valuable stuff to have learned...

Anyway, time to fill up a quota of works done in the past.

Alot more to follow in the next couple of days, some being isolated into significant pieces I remember being quite particular.

Aardcore Brony

Say WHAAAT? There's been a new My Little Pony series?! By Lauren Faust?

Just remembered this!

"It's been made to my attention that My Little Pony had a redux/reimagining/reboot/revival? Yea... I had no idea until last night; and after taking a nap this afternoon I was compelled upon waking that I do something about this..."

-Aardcore 5/10/2011

I've yet to sit down and watch anything past the first episode of this reinvented My Little Pony series... it's sugar coated sweetness is WAY too overwhelming for me to handle in a single sit down. I will admit though, it was still pretty awesome.

Haven

Ever have that feeling of just wanting to seclude yourself? At home, somewhere, in your den, office, bedroom... some place you feel secure and just want to get away from it all and just keep to yourself?

Yea... I feel like I'm there most the time.